


Hold On to Me

by EmmaKeladry



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Panic Attacks, Paul is a civilian, Paul needs Hugh, Pre-Discovery, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-26
Updated: 2018-09-26
Packaged: 2019-07-17 17:10:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16100084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmmaKeladry/pseuds/EmmaKeladry
Summary: After an unfortunate speech at a conference, Paul is feeling very discouraged. He needs a little pep talk. And Hugh is the only one who can cheer him up.Set pre-Discovery, Paul is still a civilian.





	Hold On to Me

**Author's Note:**

> For Jay. :)

Paul Stamets ripped his tie off his neck and threw it onto the floor. He rolled up the sleeves of his jacket. He might as well just give up and start looking for jobs at a greenhouse and move all of his mushrooms with him. Then he could grow his spores in peace and not have to speak at stuffy conferences. Paul flopped down on the bed, burying himself in the hotel pillow. He wanted to be home. His PADD chimed. It was Hugh calling for their daily chat. He hadn’t seen Hugh in two months and he desperately wanted to see him, but it would be another month before Hugh had any leave from Starfleet to meet him. Great. He groaned and covered his head with the pillow. His PADD stopped making noise. He scrambled to grab it, knocking it off the bed. It started to chime again as he slid off the bed as he reached for it out of his reach.

“Damn it!” Paul exclaimed, hitting his head on the floor right as his finger hit the answer button.

“Paul?” came a confused reply. “Are you okay?”

Paul scrambled to right his PADD. Hugh’s face came into focus. He was dressed in his medical whites, most likely having just got off of his shift. Paul recognized his surroundings as his quarters on the ship he was currently stationed on. Paul rubbed his head where he’d smacked it. Damn, that hurt.

“Hey,” Hugh greeted. “Are you sitting on the floor?” He raised one eyebrow.

“Yes.” Paul quickly became aware that he had a pout on his face after Hugh laughed at him.

“Are you alright?” Hugh said between laughter.

“I’m fine.”

Paul got off the floor and moved his PADD to the bed, setting it up so Hugh would still be able to see him. He pulled off his jacket, cursing himself for rolling up the sleeves. He always rolled up the sleeves of his coats, hating how confining they felt. Paul let it fall on the floor. He could hang it up later.

Hugh didn’t say anything for a long moment. “How did your conference go today?” he asked in a soft tone.

“Terrible.” Paul made a face before starting to unbutton his white dress shirt. “I completely screwed up the whole presentation. Damn it, Straal has always been better at this than I have. But he had a family emergency with Amelia and he had to be with her. Fine, but we should’ve cancelled. I ruined it!”

Hugh frowned. “What happened?”

“I screwed up. I brought up the wrong presentation, which was gearing more toward a financial aspect of our work, not toward the outstanding developments which will be the benefits of our research. Then some ass of a man asked a question. He interrupted me, and I couldn’t – I couldn’t answer him yet. We haven’t reached that part of our research! It was like he wanted to argue with me.” Paul sat back down on the bed, causing his PADD to bounce and almost tip over. “Then I – I started talking about the wrong part of the presentation again. It was all wrong. Not surprisingly, no one came to talk to me afterwards. But I don’t even know how it ended.”

He didn’t know how it ended? Hugh gave Paul a concerned look. Something about his story wasn’t adding up. “Was your face this red?” Hugh teased, trying to lighten the mood a little. “I can see why no one dared approach.”

“Absolutely!” Paul threw his hands up in the air. “I’m thinking of quitting. I’ll just take my spores and my mushrooms. I’ll find Stella a nice nursery to live in and I’ll raise her alone. I’ll do my research in private. I mean, I’ll still need funding, but I can make Straal do all the work. He owes me.”

“It couldn’t have been that bad.” Hugh slowly removed his own jacket, revealing his dark blue t-shirt underneath.

“It was. I’m done.” Paul lay down on his stomach, covering his face with his hands.

“Oh honey, you won’t give up. You love your mushrooms and your lab. Today might not have gone how you wanted, but it will get better.” Hugh smiled. “There’s always Starfleet. I bet they’d support your research.”

That got Paul to look at him. “You know how I feel about that.”

“I know. I have every faith that you’re going to be alright.”

“Fat chance.” He buried his face in the blanket again. Paul wished that Hugh could be there with him. He needed a distraction; he needed to be held by Hugh and to let the bad memories fall away. But nope. No chance of that. He groaned. No sense in ruining their entire conversation. Paul lifted his head and watched as Hugh untucked his shirt, flashing his toned stomach muscles at him. He forced a smile on his face, but it fell. “I can’t.”

“Hey, I’m sorry. Paul. It’s gonna be alright.”

“No it’s not,” he whined, fully aware that he sounded like a child having a tantrum but he didn’t care.

His PADD beeped once, signaling he had a text message. Paul swiped to the side. The message was from Straal. **Hey, how did the presentation go? Did you kick ass?**

**No. Fuck off. Talking to Hugh.** Paul jammed his finger against the send. He did not need to recount the entire situation to Straal right now.

“Paul?”

It took him a moment to realize that Hugh was staring at him with a concerned look on his face. “Sorry, Straal messaged me. I told him to fuck off.” He probably shouldn’t have told his best friend that, but he didn’t care right now. “I – I don’t want to talk about this right now. I need to shower and go to bed.”

“Okay. Do you want to talk tomorrow?” Hugh asked softly.

Paul nodded once. “Fine.”

“I’ll call–”

Paul closed the connection before Hugh could finish talking. He groaned and buried his face in his pillow again. He held his arms tightly, fighting to keep his emotions in. It was stupid and messed up. But at least it was over. He wouldn’t do it again.

 

*~*~*

 

Hugh closed the book he was reading and set down his cup of tea. He didn’t recall anything he’d read in the past hour. His focus was on one prickly astro-mycologist who hung up on him and was clearly very upset. Hugh picked up his PADD, seeing it was Straal who was calling. He answered it and smiled at Paul’s research partner as he appeared on the screen. There were bags beneath his eyes and his hair stuck up on one side.

“Hey Straal. What can I do for you?” Hugh silently hoped that it wasn’t anything bad about Paul.

Straal frowned. “Hey Hugh. Have you spoken to Paul today? I can’t get ahold of him because he won’t answer my calls.”

“I talked to him about two hours ago. Not that we talked much. He wasn’t in the mood.” Hugh shrugged uncomfortably. “Why do you ask? Is something wrong?”

“Yeah, it’s wrong. My buddy was at the conference and he saw Paul’s presentation, or attempt at a presentation. He works for the tech department and was able to give me a copy of the live presentation. You have to see it.” Straal’s image moved to one side of the screen. Paul appeared on the other, dressed in his nice clothing with a tie. Hugh smiled at him. “The presentation starts out okay. But he pulled up the wrong presentation and quickly realized it. He tried to change it and got a bit confused. Then watch what happened.”

Straal stopped speaking and played the video about ten minutes into the presentation. Paul looked very flustered. He stuttered, trying to say something, but it wasn’t clear. He rubbed his hand on the left side of his chest. Sweat beads formed on his forehead. He cleared his throat and grabbed the edge of the presentation table. His balance wavered. His eyes were completely unfocused on the room, but on something they couldn’t see. Paul gasped. His breathing made a wheezing sound. Someone in the audience asked him if he was alright. Paul couldn’t answer. He stuttered out a few nonsensical words and put a hand on his forehead. Paul attempted to regain control of his body and said something about the research, but it sounded wrong. After about five minutes of his heavy breathing, someone said they were calling a doctor. This changed Paul’s appearance. He suddenly grabbed his things and stuffed them into his bag. Paul muttered something the video didn’t catch and he walked out of the room. This wasn’t what Paul told him happened. Not at all.

Hugh’s stomach churned with anxiety and concern for the man he loved. He doubted Paul had seen a doctor since this incident.

“I tried calling him six times, but he won’t answer. The second time I got another message that told me to fuck off, but nothing else in the last hour. Maybe he’s asleep. But I’m worried.” Straal ran a hand through his hair. “Paul doesn’t act like this. What did he tell you?”

“Nothing like this. He just said he ruined the presentation.”

“I’m two days away from him. I didn’t know if you could get to him before I can. Paul doesn’t trust a lot of people and I don’t want to send the wrong person to him and have him just get angry and –”

“I’ll see what I can do. I’ll message you in about ten minutes,” Hugh interrupted.

“Thank you,” Straal murmured, closing the connection.

Damn it, Paul.

 

*~*~*

 

Hugh hadn’t heard from Paul in over twelve hours. Honestly, he was incredibly lucky that they weren’t far from each other at the moment. He’d tried to do a medical override priority message, but Paul answered and closed the connection without saying anything. Hugh only got a quick glance at his surroundings, seeing that he was in bed, but nothing else. His captain had been very willing to let Hugh take two days of leave since things were slow and it was a family emergency. Exhausted, Hugh went straight from the transport station to Paul’s guest quarters in the nearest hotel. He hadn’t slept the entire trip, messaging back and forth with Straal to keep him updated, which wasn’t the best since he’d come off a twelve hour shift when Paul called to talk to him about the presentation. Worry ate at him.

Hugh pressed on the door chime to Paul’s room.

Silence.

He tried again.

The door slowly opened, revealing a sleepy looking Paul, wrapped in a soft fluffy blanket. His face looked too pale and his hair stuck up in places. Hugh felt a surge of protectiveness at the sight of the man he loved in such disarray. Paul hated to look unkempt. He looked at Hugh with a deep frown on his face.

“Hugh? Why are you here?” he asked, clearly confused.

Hugh smiled at him, taking his hand. “You needed me, so I came as fast as I could.” He embraced Paul, taking him gently into his arms and holding him tight against his chest. It took several long seconds before Paul returned the embrace.

Paul was the first to let go. He stumbled back into the hotel room. Hugh didn’t hesitate, despite the clear signs that something was still wrong. Paul’s clothing was strewn across the room. He recognized the clothing he’d wore during their last video chat. Paul plopped down on the bed, staring at his bare feet. He only wore boxers and a loose t-shirt. No wonder he wrapped himself in the blanket; the room was chilly. Hugh set down his duffle bag and pulled out his tricorder and discreetly scanned Paul as he stared at his feet. Elevated blood pressure, mild dehydration, but otherwise he seemed alright physically.

“I don’t know what happened,” Paul muttered.

Hugh knelt in front of him and took Paul’s hands in his. “Straal showed me the video feed of your presentation. I think I know, but I want to ask you what happened.”

“I couldn’t stop my hands from shaking.” Paul touched his chest with one hand. “My heart felt like it was going to burst from my chest; it ached. I was dizzy and it was hard to breathe. I tried to focus on the presentation, but I couldn’t. I wasn’t even aware of people talking to me for a little while, until they said they’d get a doctor. And I ran.”

“Have you eaten or drank anything?” Hugh asked, touching his cheek. Paul leaned into his touch, putting his hand on top of Hugh’s as if he was holding it there.

He shook his head. “When I got back, I threw up. I haven’t tried eating anything.”

“I’ll get you some water and then we’ll try some soup if you feel up to it.”

Hugh moved to stand up, but Paul grabbed his hand. “It felt like – like everything was happening at once and my chest was so tight. Don’t go.”

“I’m not leaving.” Hugh sat down on the bed. As soon as he did, Paul snuggled up against him and letting out a shaky breath.

His next words came out as a sob. “I thought I was gonna die.” Paul hid his face as his shoulders shook.

Hugh rubbed his back, trying to sooth his love. He kissed the top of his head and gave him another squeeze to reassure him. At that moment, he was incredibly glad that he came to see Paul and to comfort him.

“What happened to me?” Paul asked.

Hugh put a finger under his chin, getting Paul to look at him. His heart broke at the sight of tears on Paul’s cheeks. Using his thumb, he brushed them away. “You had a panic attack. But it’s over now. I’m right here with you.”

“A panic attack?”

“Yes.”

Paul sat up. “That’s it?”

“Hey, there is nothing weak about having a panic attack or losing control of your emotions like that, Paul. It was a moment you couldn’t control. It’s okay. You are still you and I still love you.” Hugh leaned in and gently kissed him. “Nothing will change how I feel about you. You are strong and smart. It was a bad day, but another day will come. Promise.”

“You sound like a prophetic fortune cookie sold by one of the Ferengi.”

Hugh laughed and tousled Paul’s hair. “I’m not. I’m just the man who loves you and who hasn’t slept in over two days. I want to help you relax, get something to eat, and enjoy the two days I have with you. Is that okay?”

“More than okay.”

Paul initiated the kiss this time, putting his hand on the back of Hugh’s neck and rubbing it softly. He climbed onto Hugh’s lap as he slowly leaned back against the bed. Hugh hooked his arm around him and rolled Paul onto his side. He laughed against Paul’s lips, breaking the kiss.

“Let’s get some food into you and sleep. Then we can enjoy each other.”

Paul smiled at him. “I love you Hugh.”

“I love you too.” Hugh stood up. He turned around and offered his hand to Paul. “How about we take a shower first?”

“I thought you’d never ask.”

Hugh pulled Paul so his chest rested against his. He pressed his forehead to Paul’s. “You have to promise me something.”

“What?” Paul whispered.

“Next time you are upset and you feel like a failure, remember that I love you and you’re perfect to me. Don’t hang up and shut me out. Let me be here for you.” Hugh cupped his cheek. “Promise?”

Paul ran his fingers down Hugh’s arm and wrapped himself tighter in his arms. “I promise.”

**Author's Note:**

> This was meant to be a short little ficlet, but my brain wouldn't stop writing. Hope that you liked it! Wish we could all get some sweet Hugh snuggles.


End file.
